Dennis Hinkamp

Dennis Hinkamp

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Like most people I have been living a life of alliteration; distracting, distancing and disassociating to cope with the current distasteful discourse. I binge walk the dog, binge drink, binge eat, binge watch, binge Twitter and binge bemoan the current state of arguably augmented reality. There is no hyperbole hyper enough to explain what is going on. It should be self-evident, but binging is not a sustainable solution. My dentist tells me that not only are COVID cracked teeth a real thing but COVID cavities are growing at an alarming rate; and not just those gaping cavities between many people’s ears — badda-bing! Seriously, my non-boozer brethren are hitting the sugar pretty hard during the pandemic. My boozer friends are hitting the liquor store pretty hard; cramming the parking lot like every day was Taco Tuesday at Café Rio. Dear Utah.gov: Would a drive through liquor store really be all that bad? We all need to consider if the balm is worse than the ache. I was going to address the current state of affairs, but affairs are something we should probably not binge. It could get you hurt. There are too many people with lawyers, guns and money for you to get away with it. The phrase “Lawyers Guns and Money” came to mind because it is the title of one of my favorite songs by the late great Warren Zevon. “I’m a desperate man, Send lawyers, guns and money, the (poop) has hit the fan.” That about sums it up. Not much poop has missed the fan in the last 10 days. Since I last wrote we have lost Sean Connery who will forever be Bond, James Bond drinking shaken not stirred martinis, which really is a puzzler if you think about it. He had the kind of accent that would make even Zoom meetings entertaining to listen to. He used the same accent no matter if he was playing a Russian, Chicago gangster or famous writer. He could have made millions selling podcasts where all he did was read product labels for 30 minutes per episode. One of my go-to reality respites also left last week. They tranquilized the five orphaned bears at the USDA-Wildlife Services-Predator Research Facility in Millville. I had been watching them on a webcam for four months. They brought me hours of soothing entertainment. I know it was time for them to be reintroduced to the wild, but it was still disconcerting to see them shot, even with a tranquilizer gun. Additionally, since the last episode of “Slightly Off Center,” James “the Amazing” Randi has left us. I don’t have many idols, but he was one of three. The others were Carl Sagan and Ralph Nader. You might note a pattern. They were all debunkers. I had the pleasure to meet all three, if only briefly, in real life. It’s probably better they are no longer here given the tsunami of bunk out there. Born James Zwinge in 1928, James Randi changed how I looked at the world. It seems simple: Science is real and fooling people to take their money is bad. There is no faith healing, you can’t bend spoons with your mind, MSG is not harmful, you don’t have to drink milk, microwaves don’t cause cancer, wind turbines don’t cause cancer, the sun does cause cancer, vegans are not saving the planet, Old Navy is neither old nor navy, CBD oil does not cure everything, everything is not relative, Chic-fil-A will reopen, Walmart is not evil, Costco is not divine, your carbon footprint is not smaller than mine, there is no widespread voter fraud, you don’t need an extended warranty, flu shots don’t give you the flu, not all books are good, not all TV is bad, and most dichotomies are false. Life, death and politics move relentlessly on but at least we mercifully lost an hour of the 2020 daylight saving terrorist attack against any simple expectations. The big mystery of election night? Who were the 4,000 Utahns who voted for Kanye West? Dennis Hinkamp reminds you that it is never too soon to put up Christmas lights.

Like most people I have been living a life of alliteration; distracting, distancing and disassociating to cope with the current distasteful discourse. I binge walk the dog, binge drink, binge eat, binge watch, binge Twitter and binge bemoan the current state of arguably augmented reality. There is no hyperbole hyper enough to explain what is going on.

It should be self-evident, but binging is not a sustainable solution. My dentist tells me that not only are COVID cracked teeth a real thing but COVID cavities are growing at an alarming rate; and not just those gaping cavities between many people’s ears — badda-bing! Seriously, my non-boozer brethren are hitting the sugar pretty hard during the pandemic. My boozer friends are hitting the liquor store pretty hard; cramming the parking lot like every day was Taco Tuesday at Café Rio. Dear Utah.gov: Would a drive through liquor store really be all that bad? We all need to consider if the balm is worse than the ache.

I was going to address the current state of affairs, but affairs are something we should probably not binge. It could get you hurt. There are too many people with lawyers, guns and money for you to get away with it. The phrase “Lawyers Guns and Money” came to mind because it is the title of one of my favorite songs by the late great Warren Zevon. “I’m a desperate man, Send lawyers, guns and money, the (poop) has hit the fan.” That about sums it up. Not much poop has missed the fan in the last 10 days.

Since I last wrote we have lost Sean Connery who will forever be Bond, James Bond drinking shaken not stirred martinis, which really is a puzzler if you think about it. He had the kind of accent that would make even Zoom meetings entertaining to listen to. He used the same accent no matter if he was playing a Russian, Chicago gangster or famous writer. He could have made millions selling podcasts where all he did was read product labels for 30 minutes per episode.

One of my go-to reality respites also left last week. They tranquilized the five orphaned bears at the USDA-Wildlife Services-Predator Research Facility in Millville. I had been watching them on a webcam for four months. They brought me hours of soothing entertainment. I know it was time for them to be reintroduced to the wild, but it was still disconcerting to see them shot, even with a tranquilizer gun.

Additionally, since the last episode of “Slightly Off Center,” James “the Amazing” Randi has left us. I don’t have many idols, but he was one of three. The others were Carl Sagan and Ralph Nader. You might note a pattern. They were all debunkers. I had the pleasure to meet all three, if only briefly, in real life. It’s probably better they are no longer here given the tsunami of bunk out there.

Born James Zwinge in 1928, James Randi changed how I looked at the world. It seems simple: Science is real and fooling people to take their money is bad. There is no faith healing, you can’t bend spoons with your mind, MSG is not harmful, you don’t have to drink milk, microwaves don’t cause cancer, wind turbines don’t cause cancer, the sun does cause cancer, vegans are not saving the planet, Old Navy is neither old nor navy, CBD oil does not cure everything, everything is not relative, Chic-fil-A will reopen, Walmart is not evil, Costco is not divine, your carbon footprint is not smaller than mine, there is no widespread voter fraud, you don’t need an extended warranty, flu shots don’t give you the flu, not all books are good, not all TV is bad, and most dichotomies are false.

Life, death and politics move relentlessly on but at least we mercifully lost an hour of the 2020 daylight saving terrorist attack against any simple expectations. The big mystery of election night? Who were the 4,000 Utahns who voted for Kanye West?

Dennis Hinkamp reminds you that it is never too soon to put up Christmas lights.

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