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About once a week this pops up somewhere on Facebook, or is it Meta?

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” — Albert Einstein.

The banality is usually associated with weight loss, substance abuse or multi-level marketing. Quoting Einstein is a good attempt at making one appear smart except he never said that.

Einstein was a brilliant celebrity physicist and inspiration for a profoundly mediocre bagel franchise but didn’t spend much time on Facebook. It’s not a very useful aphorism to begin with. We do many of the same things over and over again precisely because we don’t want different results. There is comfort in sameness. That said, I file my taxes the same way every year and get vastly different results, and it does make me temporarily insane.

Another oft used but worthless aphorism is “Good things come to those who wait.” Due to the pandemic supply chain wreck this year I have heard this several times. Sometimes it’s just waiting an extra 23 minutes for your avocado toast, other times it is a 10-plus months wait for a hot tub. I actually had a salesperson tell me this when I balked at how long it would take to have the thing delivered. Since it was an online transaction, I noted that he did not know my age or health, so he was making a lot of assumptions about my ability to wait now and enjoy anything later.

Sometimes I just get to the point and say something like, “I’m 65, I don’t wait a year for anything.” If I have more time, I try to gently explain that the older you get, a year becomes an increasingly large percentage of your life. That’s just math; something Einstein would be more likely to post on Facebook if he really did figure out that time travel thing.

Speaking of time travel, it is an odd thing that you are just as impatient as an old person as you were as a teenager, just for different reasons. The middle years are mostly a fog for me, but I suppose waiting for things is just something you accept. And by the way, I’m not retired, I don’t know when I’m going to retire, and I have not already retired.

These weekly questions are agist. I don’t know if people just figure I look old enough to retire or they don’t know what I really do in my unretired life. They probably could have said the same thing 20 or 30 years ago because unless you have buildings or roads you can point to, it’s hard to prove you have done anything documentable with your life.

Oh wait, there is Google. If you Google my name or most peoples’ names you will find all sorts of things great, small and embarrassing. That is why some countries are imposing the “right to be forgotten” on the internet. It sounds good to me but unlikely to ever take hold in America, the land of the “gotchyas.” What would pundits have to keep them busy if not looking up things people said or did dozens of years ago when they thought nobody was listening or posting?

Some things I’d like to remember such as the two-out game-winning hit when I was in eighth grade or the intermittent nights I killed it in my 10 years in stand-up comedy. Those happened before the Internet. I think I still have an audition tape on VHS somewhere. Of course, those are only the fond memories. The epic stupid things only exist on faded Ektachrome slides and hand written paper love letters. Since I’m not running for public office, I doubt anyone will take the time to dig those up. Einstein probably predicted this.

Dennis Hinkamp reminds you that humor is the Naloxone for your funk. Find it. Be well.

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